I was excited when I received your offer for a free trial of a shiny new year. The old year was (and I cannot state this too emphatically) a massive shit-show. The fact that everyone was having similar issues with their 2020 was of little comfort, and I was so looking forward to trading up to something a bit more user-friendly.
So you can imagine my disappointment when the clock struck midnight and I shouted Happy New Year as I popped the cork on a bottle of sparkling wine I had been saving for something worth celebrating. Well, ‘popped’ is not the right word, as there was no sparkle left in my sparkling wine, no bubble in my bubbly . . . you get the idea. Instead of toasting the new year, I poured the churlish champers down the drain as a final fitting homage to the dumpster-fire that was 2020.
Since then the infection rates have shot up while the vaccine distribution has been way too slow, the freakishly warm weather has caused the very nearby river to rise and ice dams to form (flooding), and home-grown terrorists have stormed the Capitol south of the boarder.
And we are a mere two weeks into January.
No. It won’t do.
So far this new year has been glitchy and erratic, so while I appreciate that the intent was good, this free trial has been a disaster and I must request that you cancel my subscription.
I just can’t go through it again. I’m sure you can understand.
And thank you.